Woke up thinking of her! 

Aai has always surprised me as a person and as a woman. I was worried for her when Baba died. I didn’t know how she would cope. Baba was her life, it almost felt like Aai existed for Baba alone. Dada and Amma are a very made for each other couple, very much in love, so are my uncles and aunts, my cousins and their spouses, a few of my friends and theirs but Aai had a certain kind of devotion towards Baba which I hadn’t seen in anyone else. Baba was in the literal sense her lord and master, something I detested in her .. But ya.. And one morning like that Baba was gone without even a hint and I started worrying for Aai. But that woman as I said has always surprised me. That very night after we finished his last rites I was in the house and as is practice I went to wash myself. When I came out the people around ridiculed me for taking a head bath! I was quite ignorant that as per their customs I wasn’t supposed to take a headbath until the 12th day. Aai who was sitting down in some corner still in the grips of grief stood up, took my hand and walked into another room and said, “take your bath everyday, after everyone has slept, let nobody but you know you did, I may not be able to protect you once again from their ire if they found out.” That was the first time, I was very grateful for having this woman on my side in this alien territory. When all women gathered the next day to take apart her mangalsutra, I felt so violated for aai. Why should she be removing a chain that is so close to her because baba had gone. The women including her very own daughter were adamant saying it was a ritual. Aai on her part was in much pain, clutching that chain, she wasn’t ready to part with one of the last physical memories of baba. I kind of fought with these woman and told them to back off! It wasnt my place to say it, but I could not bear see her going through that pain. She said, “if you promise to stay with me here I’ll not remove it, but after you leave tomorrow they’ll come at me again, and even you wouldn’t be here on my side. But what is a chain anyway, baba will always be with me. Let them have their peace” so saying she removed it and gave it to them. When I met her later a year after, aai was all back to a different self, there was that emptiness baba had left behind, but she had recovered from it beautifully. She was the head of her household now, in charge of everything she had become sterner than her older self, something which I considered impossible then because in many ways she was Baba’s shadow.

I’ve had my share of mother figures in my life. Aai is one among them, who used to let me sleep on in the mornings whenever I was at hers, pack my favourite puran and puran poli whenever she made them. I hope she is well, woke up thinking about her this morning. The friend to whom she is a mother to and I are no more in talking terms! I have no clue how she has been, therefore. But I hope her blood pressure is under control, her tooth aches a little less and her varicose veins don’t hurt her that much at the end of a long day!

(Aai is mother in Marathi. If you have friends among maharashtrians they go Aaigha..)


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pins & ashes

An Aquarius Woman

52 thoughts on “Woke up thinking of her! ”

        1. Sad that! I keep a notebook at my bedstand to write down anything that comes to mind on the night. Many times it is absolute gibberish .. Sleep writing 😀😀 but in that name I buy nice looking stationery..

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            1. Haha! That I thought was a measure not to miss any thoughts even those i have if I wake up in the middle of the night! So far, I can’t read my own handwriting from that book .. May be eventually 😇😁

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  1. It’s like I can feel every word u wrote. Women in our society are very strong, no matter what she has to face especially bereavement is something that breaks her heart for sure but she bounce back double for her and her children sake. More blessings for your ai so that she may become stronger and happier each coming day.

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    1. As I told you the other day at your post, I keep bumping into strong women everywhere .. I find everyone I meet strong in the mind and in emotion not because something has befallen them but because that is their nature to be.. So on our parts we should never undermine them and say women are weak and these stronger ones are a uncommon!

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  2. I understand your story. Because its the same as mine .. That’s the reason I believe women are stronger than men .
    I think I’m inspired from my own mother and other women like your mother who are such an elevated soul and the way they lead their lives so incredibly.
    The biggest lesson in my life was to never give a damn for the society.. If you think you beliefs your actions are ethically morally right may be you can ignore people and stick to ur decisions ..

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    1. Sup – Aai is my friend’s mother.

      I don’t think we need to make that distinction in strength, though. All of us men and women are strong, the problem arises when a stereotype is created and passed on without a thought! We then tend to ignore the people around us but still believe in that lie and pass it around…

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      1. Sorry to mistake for ur mother.. Distinction if u name it , I say from what I have experienced.. Cuz even I was unable to manage the things the way my mother did.. I have no intentions of making any gender superior or inferior here..

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    1. Hugs Deepa. She would have left behiind such lovely memories. There is no way today I can find out how aai is doing, I hope she is still living and alive happily amongst her kids and grandchildren.

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  3. I hope that wherever she is, the lady continues to be strong and happy. I don’t understand why there are so many customs and if one’s custome is different from the other, one is frowned on. Strange.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Oh ya! Very much frowned on. I was nearly taken down and I didn’t even know what i did wrong that night for a while.. That too when death had happened early day and it was mourning!!

      I wish her the same!


  4. I don’t know why we have such rituals which give more pain..

    I learned about many rituals when my dad passed away .. as being the eldest I was to do everything. . I still do not understand why they are there for ..doesn’t make sense some of them..

    I was made to put ash in a big plate and put outside the house gate and then made to wake up early morning to see if there were foot prints on it.. How. .. I cud not ubdestand the logic.. and as you said we had just done all the rites the previous day and the pain is still so fresh it has not sunk in yet that dad is no more and people want to see all that..

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I think the most goosebumpy experience I still have is of touching Baba’s cold body!! I just felt so numb seeing him like that! I don’t know why such rituals are held and open to public when they are so private to certain people!


  5. I sometimes wonder why there are customs and rituals that make life of a woman more difficult than it already gets after the demise of their husbands. They’re already in such sad states and then there are these rituals to be followed. Aai seems so much like my MIL… I hope wherever your aai is, she is happy and healthy!


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