(…contd… ) Where to draw that line!

  1. Bringing the discussion from FB to here. Vishwa blogs at A Walk in the DrizzleCapture

2. Chitra and I happened to have a thought share over this, in the comment section of the original post. 

3.. It so happened that my peer’s parent passed away a few months ago. My peer is (an older) woman who is an associate professor in a college in the city. I have had interactions with her for purposes of work, we hangout over a cup of coffee, after our discussions or a task, she shares the cakes she bakes at home, we talk about the course, our projects… and walk back to our rooms.

Two things stood out from that night. A friend and I had rushed from a dinner mid way to be with her at her place hearing the news~ Her relatives present thought we were her students from the college, however, even in the middle of the grief and sobbing the peer was quick to correct, we were not, She also added, we were her senior peers from the campus! My friend and I had joined a year or two earlier than her for the course. The relatives and us, just looked at each other unable to respond. The friend and I kept quiet as long as we were in the house, but exploded the minute we were out of her apartment gates (Age/seniority…?? I’ll be an anomaly, I have friends in all age groups).

The second thing that stood out was none of us knew her whereabouts with respect to her relations. (not that it mattered) When the HOD asked how she was holding up and about her partner, I just shook my head and said, “I have no idea Professor! She’s not a friend!” This was the third thing. There was an automatic assumption as to what her relationships would be given her position and age! or that as a peer I would know (there I bring up the age).

I’ve been thinking after post modernism, space and privacy, the ‘would bes’ and ‘could bes’ have come to rule our conversation. All of a sudden, people may give you dirty looks if you say “What ‘can’ you do?” What could be possible or the phrase could be kind of brings in that giving/acknowledging the space factor, the privacy factor, somehow… I think, pre pomo, it was kind of crude, it was kind of more real with relations! Who would think before we ask such information! and who would hesitate in warranting such! Now a days everything is hidden somehow behind possibilities and spaces.. it is not just the pubic and personal, but there is an inner layer called the private (all that is good.. still, when it dominates the conversation, about what can I ask and what I can’t. )

Where to draw that line! I don’t know.. I go overboard, almost all the time without thinking what the other may feel and then it comes back What am I doing, like I please Where to draw that l…

Source: Where to draw that line!

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pins & ashes

An Aquarius Woman

13 thoughts on “(…contd… ) Where to draw that line!”

  1. I don’t know either. Yes, there needs to be certain lines in every relationship, but if the other is understanding or very close to us, the line is a blur. The trust takes over and gives more freedom to draw the line a little way on either side. Though one needs to be careful the line after the line drawn a little on the other side does not keep going past the lines drawn earlier. That way we step into too much private space.

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    1. I think every one needs to have privacy .. can be 99.9% out there, but that .1 % is ours and ours alone, for our very very private emotions, highs and lows.. which is just ours..

      Amma read the post and agrees, that was the topic of conversation over morning call. But I find sometimes I do go overboard, and I need to put an end to that! so that a certain line is not crossed, and the other is still comfortable to continue the conversation

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            1. what I have found out is, interactions are very subjective to that moment.. it is ruled by the emotions that runs during that time in the minds.. so, a stray comment which otherwise may be very harmless, may create a turmoil.. some days! and then there are some other days!

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              1. true. one doesn’t always look at the long term future. and that’s the way of it, that’s the way some things and conversations should be. if one does hold back a lot thinking the future would be harmed by the comment, the present may be harmed by that restraint. guess it needs a proper judgment call at the moment as to if that comment really is needed or not.

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                1. Exactly, then if we know we mean no harm to each other, (there are people that way) whatever we may be saying, even if it so lift the mood or pull a leg or talking serious, that kind of trust in a person is what matters .. I can get angry at you, shout out all the four letter words I know, but still you know, I am standing beside you nevertheless.. that! is that very ideal? since we are all so human

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                  1. ideal? no. but that’s another extreme, no? on one side, being so restrained that a millimeter of the toe past the line causes a rift in the friendship. on the other, being so laid back that we accept even abuse from a friend feeling that they “don’t mean harm”. so is there two lines that are drawn?

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                    1. Extreme yes! but don’t we give such freedom to some people.. ! and just believe! During our bitterest of fights MJ and I may say I don’t what all, but at the end of it, we know we are meant to be! what just happened was a moment! a melt down!

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                    2. oh yes indeedy we do. especially with the parents, I guess. but that few who are given that leeway have to be chosen right, right? give it to a wrong person, and we lose our peace of mind. though I suppose one does owe that person to tell them once at least that they are crossing a line that is making one uncomfortable. no matter which line, terminating a relationship, be it family, friendship, colleagues, at the first sign of uneasiness is not right, right?

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                    3. Chosen or they become, I have found both ways! but a handful of very sincere people who mean no harm! So the choice is to know people and don’t accept whatever somebody tells you just because they are/have been there! With such, they always know they are crossing the line, and in turn there is a freedom to say, you are! but will they stop! I have no clue.. but yes, they need to be chosen, not anybody like that! those are very very few, even one is more than enough!

                      Right!

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